I wrote this a while back, and I’ve learned a bit since then. I hope that it clears up a few misconceptions about Asian/Asian-American women, done with humor and sarcasm, of course.

Enjoy.

10. If you meet a cute Asian chick at a bar or club, don’t use the following words or related words; ninja, martial arts, karate, Karate Kid 1, 2, 3, Jean Claude Van Damn movies, kung fu, Anything with dragons or crouching tigers. She might throw her drink at you.

9. Don’t assume that they can’t speak English. They may be faking an accent to escape from the old, potbellied man in the corner who has traveled far and wide to “The Orient.”

8. No, I’m not Lucy Liu or Margaret Cho.

7. Don’t ask them whether they’re submissive or dominant. (This has actually been asked to several friends of mine. No joke)

6. Going back to #10, most of us don’t know martial arts, though we respect it. Kung fu is cool, but that is relegated for old Bruce Lee/Jackie Chan/Jet Li movies. We don’t all know kung fu moves, so don’t bust out some sort of weird karate kick and assume that it will turn us on. Because it won’t.

5. If you do date an Asian chick and attend a family function where you’re the only non-Asian, have courtesy and try the food or at least put the food on your plate. Most of the family members are looking to see if you actually care about getting to know her culture. If you don’t like the cuisine, just smile, take over the conversation and possibly no one will notice.

4. Don’t assume that we are all professional manicurists, masseuses or happy ending givers. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, but know that we are a varied bunch from lawyers, students, doctors to writers and professional karaoke champions. Okay, so that last one was slightly stereotypical.

3. Don’t assume that we only date white or black guys. We like Asian guys too (By the way, Asian guys get such a bad rep in the media, but they’re awesome. Look at John Cho a.k.a. The MILF guy…love him!) and Latino and Indian, South Asian, and European. You might make us laugh or like go cart racing and listening to old songs from PM Dawn. Or 2pac.

2. Books such as “How to Attract Asian Women,” and “How to Pick up Japanese Chicks and Doom Your Immortal Soul” are for/by Tools. And they’re one way that an Asian chick will probably slap you. (Great, now this list will probably boost the sales of these awful pieces of literature on Amazon)

1. Please don’t mention the words “Harajuku Girls” in front of us. Those little kewpie dolls that act like Gwen Stefani’s personal pets really annoy us. (I actually read that in their contract, they’re not allowed to speak, they just stand there and look Japanese…are you kidding me?)

Added bonus: If you’re one of those guys’ who “ONLY” dates Asian females, you obviously have some weird issues that you never resolved when you were watching “Karate Kid” or “Rising Sun.” If this is the case, admit that you have a problem and step away from the ramen noodles, manga or anime, and obsession with all things that are Far East.

BTW, sometimes I feel like people look at me as though I’m the below picture. For example, when I’m in a grocery store, an audition, or a music event. (Note: I’m not Chiaki Kuriyama, though she did kick some ass in “Kill Bill.” Oh, and I don’t own that ball/chain contraption)